


United Front

by sonicsora



Category: Brütal Legend, Psychonauts (Video Games)
Genre: Eddie is a horrible heavy metal mentor, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, M/M, Mentors, Raz gains another mentor, Uncle Eddie Riggs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 10:40:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17702819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicsora/pseuds/sonicsora
Summary: If there is one thing Eddie will insist upon, it's a united front for alibis. If you're going to intentionally or unintentionally chaos a psychic incident, you needed to be a united front.Now getting Raz on board is the hard part. The kid looks like he's dying to talk about the psychic death bees.





	United Front

**Author's Note:**

> written on request for a friend. Clearly, it has shown us we need more Eddie & Raz hanging out for the pure chaos.

Eddie took in a slow breath, tenting his fingers together as he looked down at the scrawny twelve-year-old standing before him. He sidestepped a cantaloupe rolling by his feet, nudging it with the heel of his sneaker casually without breaking eye contact with Raz. They had managed to get a sizable distance away from what was left of the grocery store. So now was the time to work on their alibi. “Okay. So. What are we tellin’ Sasha?” 

“It was a natural gas disaster.” Raz answers fairly cheerily as he flips his goggles up onto the top of his head. Even now the boy had yet to give up on the goggles. Eddie had to admit the kid at least had style. 

“Yes.” Eddie eyed their surroundings before continuing. He hefted up some plastic bags, leading the way towards the Druid Plow. For once he was glad he parked far away. His urge to make Raz actually walk had paid off. “And-?”

“There was a terrible accident with a truck full of bees that mysteriously crashed nearby!” Raz’s grin widens considerably as he casually adjusts the shopping bag hanging on his arm. He’s quick to follow after Eddie. 

“Always bees.” Eddie agrees casually, “Fuckin’ normal radioactive bees that attacked the store suddenly. It was all a freak accident we had no part in at all.” 

“Thus why I had to defend myself and throw cantaloupes!” The twelve-year-old adds eagerly, clearly wanting to help with the cover story. 

“See, we’re not even mentionin’ the cantaloupes. That admits fault. Enough fault the story falls apart.” Eddie threw back with a shake of his head. He turns around as he walks across the parking lot to face Raz, holding the bags a aloft, shaking them a little emphasis his words. “We’re just sayin’ the store was attacked, we narrowly escaped with our lives but also look at these sick ass deals we got. Sickest deals!”

“Oooh.” There was a pause as the twelve-year-old spoke up, his brows scrunched together for a moment. “Won’t Sasha know we’re lying?” 

“Not if we have a united front.” Eddie knew they were fucked regardless, but no way was he going to explain to Sasha that they had accidentally unleashed a swarm of psychic death bees on a grocery store, then accidentally set it ablaze in the panic, caused an avalanche of veggies to pour through the parking lot, and set off every fire alarm in every store nearby. 

He turns back around as he walks, his back facing the tween now. He can guess there won’t be many cars leaving the parking lot given the series of events that unfolded here today, but he still has to be a good example to Raz. He can’t have the kid walking around without looking both ways.

There was an even more audible pause as Raz contemplated the cover story. Eddie doesn’t need to look back to figure the kid had his ‘thinking’ face on. “We’re totally toast.” 

“Damn right, but United.Front.” Eddie repeated back to the twelve-year-old as he pulled his car keys out of his pocket, unlocking the Druid Plow. “Remember that.” 

“Right!” Raz at least sounds enthused for their impending doom. “…You don’t this will be a psychic fiasco…?” 

“Eh, maybe a lil.” Eddie shrugged, coming to a stop at the back of his car, popping open the trunk. He unloaded the bags casually, letting the plastic bags just slide down his arms into place into the trunk. “Just play it cool. You’re with me, kid.” 

“Yeah, but Sasha is totally gonna be mad.” Raz stated as he unloaded groceries as well, copying the way Eddie let the bags slid down his arms. Understandably the gesture was decidedly unpracticed for the tween. A bag caught on his glove and left him struggling for a moment. 

“Oh yeah, probably. What’s life without y’know causing a possible international psychic incident!” Eddie shrugged, twirling his key ring on his index finger casually as he gave Raz a moment to fight against the bag. “Need help?”

“N-no.” Raz finally got the cheap plastic bag untangled from the end of his glove, hastily plonking it into the trunk. Eddie shrugged, giving Raz a moment to back off before snapping the trunk shut. He leaned back against the trunk of the Druid Plow, pointing at Raz. "Just remember, keep to the story, deny, deny, deny. Maybe run out of the room if Sasha turns a lil red." 

"Is this like a 'snitches get stitches' situation? My parents kinda told me that's bunk." Raz tilted his head, squinting back at Eddie. 

"Naw, it's more a- if he gets mad I'll take the killin' blow." The killing blow usually was Sasha sending Eddie to the office futon to sleep that night. Then eventually caving and joining him _in_ the futon. They had been married enough they had a general beat down pat.

"Woah." The tween blinked in open surprise. "Thats- pretty cool." 

"Eh, you just got a life to live, kid. I can handle a anythin' Sasha throws at me." Mostly it was Eddie's fault for the bees, so he was going to get the most shit for it. Might as well spare Raz while he can.


End file.
